Saturday, May 10, 2008
Spotted
I took an early flight this morning and the thing that kept me entertained was a small group of fellow travelers. Two moms and their daughters who were probably nine or ten. All four were dressed in Lululemon from headband to cropped yoga pants. (Perhaps they were headed off for a mother/daughter yoga retreat?) Anyway, as they went through security, the girls unloaded a vast collection of gels and liquids from their bags. There are hotels without as many gels and liquids as those girls were packing. Between them they probably had a hundred and twenty prohibited items. Their mothers remained cheery, so did the security people, even when it started to look like a good bet that the girls might be carrying camping fuels and perhaps some cute Lululemon handguns in their pieces of carry-on luggage.Suddenly, Lululemon, which might fit well and be of good quality, but nevertheless gives me a queasy feeling, is cute again.
Oh yeah, and my luggage was overweight because of excess sausages. But that's another story.
Friday, May 02, 2008
This week on Ask a Juby...
Thieving siblings.So far, based on the feedback the column has received, it seems that pants and slutty friends are less pressing issues than shyness. Who knew? Personally, I think once you understand pants, you're close to having the entire game of life figured out.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Addiction is never pretty. Well, sometimes it is.
Thanks to television shows like What Not to Wear and Timm Gunn's Guide to Style, I've recently discovered the joys of using a tailor's services. If you know me well, you might wonder why I use a tailor when I have half a diploma in fashion design. Let's just say I wasn't paying particularly close attention when we studied hemming and other alterations.
I found an excellent little shop in a nearby mall. It's run by this couple from Eastern Europe. He sews, she works the counter. They have charming accents and are always nicely dressed. At least by my lights, which means they don't wear torn sweat pants and stained T-shirts. They get many visitors who go into the back with them and whenever I come along I have the vague sense that I'm interrupting something.
First I brought in pants to be hemmed. That went well, so I took in some inexpensive jeans that fit everywhere except the waist. The tailor did such a terrific job on that I now bring in just about everything because almost anything can be made to look better with a slight alteration.
In short, I have become a tailoring junky.
I have also started to sense a certain wryness in the tailor and his wife when I come along bearing my T-shirt that could use a tuck here and there or the skirt with the hem that isn't quite right.
Like a lot of addicts trying to distract people from noticing all-too-obvious-addictive behaviour, I've started talking too much.
"Oh, hi!" I say, too brightly, when the woman comes to the counter. "It's just me again! Heh, heh."
She smiles but I'm sure I see judgment there. Maybe even pity. Did she just exchange a glance with her husband? I'm almost certain he gave his head a small shake.
I start making excuses.
"I know it's really, you know, kind of weird to bring in this old turtleneck, but it hangs too low. And maybe I'll wear it again if I get it altered. I really love the colour. You know, it's so hard to get a turtleneck that's the right colour. Important too, because you are basically wearing a colour right on your face, or at least at your face." I start to wind down. "Yeah, so, I just thought I'd bring it in to see what you could do for me. Uh, I was wondering if those Fruit of the Looms I brought in last week are ready by any chance?"
Yesterday, on my trip to drop off some trackpants to have the waist band moved down an inch, I complimented the always stylish woman on her dress.
"Suzy Shier," she said. "Fifteen dollars."
Which made me think about the alteration I was having done for $20.
That set me off. "Oh, that's great. Good for you! What a super deal. You know, I get most of the clothes I bring in here on sale. Some of them are practically free. Which is why I don't mind having them altered. It's still cheaper than, you know, having clothes that don't fit. Like these track pants, for instance. How much do I really save I look like I'm wearing diapers? Nothing, right? Not that your dress looks like you're wearing... never mind. Did you have it altered or did it always just look like that?"
Sigh. And so it goes.
I suspect that my career as a tailoring addict is going to either be short-lived or I'm going to have to get more than one dealer.
Here is one item in my wardrobe that does not require any alteration. My Bog boots, a birthday present from James, are perfection just as they are.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Congratulations
to Stephan and Liz for their very funny entries which won the copies of Through the Wardrobe! Your books will go in the mail this week. Thanks to everyone who entered.I would also like to thank the Alice, Charmene, Tara and Alex and the rest of the Port Moody Secondary School Book Club and their teacher-sponsors for inviting me to visit! The turnout was excellent and the questions were amazing.
Also, in spite of what my shirt might suggest, I'm not pregnant with triplets and about to enter my third trimester. I can see from photo above that the shirt was a mistake. Let me thank the Book Club for not asking the obvious. I'm not sure what that banner above us (which matches my shirt so very well) said. Perhaps something along the lines of "Never Settle For Less Than You Paid For Unless You are Dealing with Quantities of Shirt Fabric." When you are looking at this photo, I encourage you to focus on the girls, who look entirely fabulous.
Friday, April 25, 2008
The latest
advice column is up!Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Local Hero
Because yesterday was Earth Day, I will post about it today.There is in our little stretch of paradise on Vancouver Island, which is very rapidly being paved over to put up parking lots and huge tract houses, a particularly lovely resort. It's called Yellow Point Lodge. I wrote a profile of it for Western Living Magazine about four years ago. The pull quote the magazine used was: "Staying at Yellow Point is a bit like going to visit your favourite grandfather at his home located somewhere between the Adirondacks and oh, say, Elsinore."
I've just read that the proprietor, Richard Hill, has put the land into a trust so it will never be developed. I take my hat off to him.
My friend Mary and I used to visit Yellow Point Lodge on a certain weekend each year to celebrate our birthdays. One year, we couldn't make it and we lost our spot. Seriously. That's how Yellow Point works. At the end of each year, you rebook for the following year. If you can't make it, someone else moves into "your" place. We have been trying to get a new spot for two years. Without success. But the marvelous thing is that we are now assured that we will have many years to try and get a new weekend.
In other post-Earth Day news, I've just finished watching Season 3 of Battlestar Galactica. They are drawing ever closer to Earth but I can't help worrying that they might be a little disappointed when they get here to discover China belching out smoke from innumerable coal-fired plants, the rainforests and boreal forests completely gone. I think that might make Admiral Odama sort of mad. I, for one, don't want to have to deal with an enraged Odama, especially after he's had such a long journey. So let's do our part, people! Keep it green for Odama!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Acts of God
are a useful tool for getting out of nerve-wracking adventures...
These photos were taken at 6:00 this morning. April 19th.
I know when to give up! You could never say I didn't.
Frank is unhappy because his winter clothes have been packed away.
Next year we'll get them. We'll be the most competitive trail riders around. Within reason.
Friday, April 18, 2008
An excellent idea
at the time.For some unknown reason I signed Tango and I up for a course tomorrow. It's an introduction to competitive trail riding. That's right. Competitive trail riding. It's not unusual for me to be hit with sudden enthusiasms for things (i.e. quilting, marathon running, baking cakes with fresh coconut as a primary ingredient, interpretive dance). But usually I come to my senses before I commit.
This time it looks as though I am going to have to follow through. And as you might expect, I'm sort of freaking out. (But quietly, so as not to spook my horse).
Tango excels at going around in circles at different speeds as well as eating grass. We sometimes go on trails. These are wide, groomed park trails that run for oh, say, a couple of miles. Tomorrow we will be going on a 12 mile ride in the wilderness. I hardly even drive 12 miles.
Also, I have to haul Tango to the ride, a journey of about an hour, which is quadruple the length of any trip I've done with the trailer so far. Tomorrow it's supposed to be freakishly cold out. There could be cougars around. Not to mention water hazards. Tango hates getting his feet wet. I hate being mauled by cougars. And landing on my face in a creek when my horse decides he's had enough of this B.S. The other riders are probably adventurous and brave. They probably have sturdy, sure-footed horses. I have the most delicate 1300 pound flower on all of Vancouver Island.
Sigh. I am not an adventurous person. I consider changing coffee brands to be quite a shakeup.
Will let you know how it goes. I guess I will take my inspiration from this guy. I don't think you'd hear him crying and moaning about having to go on a trail ride. No sir, I don't think you would. As he said after capturing a man police had been chasing for ten days: "If you try to do something, shit will happen. If you don't try to do it, nothing will happen." Exactly. I just sort of hope the shit that happens isn't, like, bad.
P.S. Thanks for the excellent entries to win a copy of Through the Wardrobe. I'm going to end the contest on Monday. If you are a Narnia fan, don't forget to see the blog below for details of how to enter.
My spirit animal
Tango inspects Susan's ear to see where her brain went
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Personal Jesus
I've been thinking a lot about Jesus today. Why?Well, because I fell asleep while reading a P.G. Wodehouse novel last night. My palm was resting on the corner of the book and when I finally woke up, there was a deep and painful welt on my hand. Similar to the one Jesus had. Only mine was cause by hardcover Wodehouse and not a spike. Today, my hand is still sore and it looks as though I have a mild case of stigmata and I can't stop humming Personal Jesus, perhaps the best cowboy video of all time. Horses, chickens and Depeche Mode. Hello, heaven!
In other news, I am running a little contest to give away two copies of Through the Wardrobe: Your Favorite Authors on C.S. Lewis's Chronicles of Narnia, edited by Herbie Brennan and Leah Wilson. It contains great essays by a host of fabulous writers.
All you have to do to enter is write to me and tell me about a time you felt a connection with your personal Jesus. Or Buddha. Or Yaweh. Or Ishvara. (C.S. Lewis thought a lot about his personal Jesus. He did not, however, have the benefit of a Depeche Mode song to help him with this thinking, which is too bad.) Don't worry, there is no connection too tenuous, as you can see from the anecdote above. "I walked past a church once" will do the trick. The best two entries will get the books.
Okay. I have to go and watch Depeche Mode try and ride again.
Oh yeah, send your personal deity reflections to: andfurthermore@shaw.ca
Friday, April 11, 2008
Rejection!
For anyone who has experienced the bitter sting of rejection.Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Ugh
And I don't mean the boots.Like just about anyone else who spends any time online, I have seen the stories about the six girls in Florida who filmed themselves beating up another girl while two young men stood guard. The girls were apparently upset because their target had been trash talking them on Myspace. They planned to post the tape of the beating on Youtube. I'm not sure what they thought that would achieve. No, scratch that. I do know and it makes me feel like jumping out a window.
I haven't linked to the video, which was released by the police department, because I don't want it stinking up my website. The victim's parents have apparently said that they think Myspace and the other social networking sites are to blame. I hate to break it to them, but teen girls were brutalizing one another, physically and psychologically, long before the Internet.
This kind of thing bums me out to the point of despair and is part of what inspired my new book, Getting the Girl. The book is a comedy, but it's also about how teens (and adults, for that matter) can go right over the edge with very little provocation.
I hope the girl who was attacked is recovering and that she realizes that one day soon she'll be out of high school and able to leave all this behind. I also hope her attackers are going straight into intensive therapy for whatever ails them.
And now I'm going to go bake the fanciest cupcake I can in an effort to forget how ugly life can be.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Ask a Juby...
The avalanche of advice continues...Ask a Juby
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Dear The Wire
I thought you should know that I've begun seeing Battlestar Galactica. I know. It's kind of soon. And BSG is grueling in its own way. But see, it takes place in space and involves aliens. This is considerably easier to take than you and your kids in Baltimore.As a great chanteuse once said, I will always love you (she really drew out that "you" word, too, so you knew she meant it). But for the time being, I will be seeing other shows.
Please accept my decision and I must ask you to stop showing up all the time: in my thoughts while I'm trying to work, in magazines and newspapers.
In time, my wounds may heal. But for now, distance and acceptance are key.
With deepest regret yet ineffable fondness,
Susan
I Been Loving You Too Long
Yes, The Wire. I mean you. We had something really good together. But lately (i.e. Season 4) it's been tough. Because you, my friend, are becoming quite unpleasant. I used to look forward to our evenings together, spending time exploring the many facets of you and my reactions to you. I also used to love discussing you with friends who also think you're amazing.When I learned we were going to be able to spend Season 4 together, I planned a long, marathon-style date for us. But after a single hour I knew that one episode of togetherness per evening is all I could take. Dating you is like taking shots to the head with my hands tied behind my back.
Now Season 4 is over and I think it's time we took a break. Over the past three weeks you have dashed my hopes again and again, told me the truth when I didn't want to hear it and just been generally unpredictable and moody. You have been vicious and sometimes even lethal to some of my dearest friends (BODIE!!! BODIE!!!).
You have left me feeling depressed and even sort of unwell. But not as unwell as Bubbles, whom you seem to take a special delight in mistreating.
Before we get together again, when Season 5 comes out on DVD, I am going to have to insist on the following:
Do something nice for Bubbles. For god's sake, it's the least you could do after all you've put him through.
I demand that you get intensive therapy for Micheal. I know, I know. He's pretty far gone. But really, who's fault is that?
SAVE Randy! If he's still looking for a foster home, please send him to us. We will encourage his entrepreneurial tendencies and get him the plastic surgeon he's almost certainly going to need, thanks to you.
And while we're at it, this is a formal notice that we'd like to adopt Duquan (Dukie). We promise to get him a high-powered computer and his own bathroom with a shower.
Actually, come to think of it, we're willing to adopt all the kids and even Prez, if you think it will help his morale.
Life in Nanaimo might seem a bit quiet for the guys after Baltimore's mean streets. But we have a lot of nice walks here, some by the ocean, that I think everyone will enjoy. If you can't promise to take better care of our friends, I'm going to have to take custody.
Omar is golden. At least you haven't done anything to him yet. I put you on notice: don't EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
I believe, that with sincere effort on your part, this relationship can be salvaged. But a trust has been broken. It's up to you to fix it. It's your move.
All my love (but with some serious reservations about your judgment),
Susan
P.S. A little more Steve Earl as Waylon would go a long way toward demonstrating your good intentions.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Ahem...
Stuff White People LikeThings have been a bit quiet on the old blog lately because I'm deep in a project. However, I'm not so deep that I can't be embarrassed by the above, esp. in light of my previous post. Thanks to Tai for turning me onto the Stuff White People Like blog, which does tend to make me feel a bit assy with self-recognition.
Oh, and I'm listening to an amazingly funny and smart audio book. Freddy and Fredericka by Mark Helprin is a picaresque novel/satire about the British royal family. It has made me cry with laughter about four times already and the author's handling of language is mesmerizing.
Finally, I am working on a special audio treat for Out There-ers... Stay tuned (but not too closely because it could be a while.)
Friday, March 21, 2008
Heroes, dangers of
I try not to have heroes. Sure, there are people I admire. But I tend to keep my expectations low. Lately, the skimpy ranks of my heroes has been reduced by one, thanks to the extra-curricular adventures of one Mr. Eliot Spitzer, hound dog.But I do have a few literary heroes. Foremost among them is Richard Price, author of Clockers, The Wanderers and Freedomland. I read Clockers every year. It is the best American novel of the past generation. Yes, that's what I think. I felt somehow vindicated when I heard that the finest American T.V. show in recent memory, The Wire, was in part based on or inspired by Clockers. Price has also written some of my favourite episodes of the show.
In spite of my mildly embarrassing hero-worship-tinged feelings, I didn't dare to hope that Richard Price would be personally interesting or witty or any of that. And then I heard him on Fresh Air and again on the New York Times Book Review podcast. And holy crap if he isn't hilarious, self-deprecating and thoughtful and possessed of a wonderful high-low way of talking and seeing the world that I could listen to forever. I'm getting a bit old for this sort of thing, but I would love to call him up and tell him I admire his work and ask him to lunch. You know, play the fresh-faced writer card, which is no longer an option due to, well, my face. Plus, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only fan he has. There is probably a steady stream of fresh-faced fans asking him to lunch and one has to consider the effects of such a rich diet on his temperament. It's often best to leave our heroes alone for the sake of both parties.
So I won't call him up or write him a letter. What I will do is lay some heavy hints on the people near me that my birthday is fast approaching. Richard Price has a new book out called Lush Life. If you wanted to get me something I will treasure, that's it.
Along these lines, I finally bought myself Season 4 of the The Wire. I tried to hold out until my birthday, but I couldn't. I just finished watching episode seven. Dukie just smiled. Kima cracked her first homicide. Prez is getting it right in the classroom. Bubs is having a terrible time. Omar's in lockup. And my heart is busted.
This is what having heroes does to a person.
Monday, March 17, 2008
I would like to thank...
the Canadian Library Association for shortlisting Another Kind of Cowboy for the CLA Young Adult Book Award 2008!Thursday, March 13, 2008
Take it to the bank
I've begun writing not one but TWO advice columns. The first you can find at the Savvy Reader and elsewhere. The other is horse-related and will be published in the Canadian Horse Journal starting later this spring.As my husband and members of my family well know, I love to tell people what to do. So this is quite the opportunity!
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Muchas Gracias...
to the members of the ALA for nominating Another Kind of Cowboy as a Best Book for Young Adults!Sunday, March 02, 2008
Twitch much?
You will be alarmed and, I hope, properly sympathetic to hear that since giving up Amazon, random googling of self and celebrities with whom only a select few are familiar (i.e. Phoebe Price, who is famous for having red hair and... I'm not sure what else) that I have developed an assortment of physical ailments. Which I will now very generously share with you.The Twitch. It is located just under my right eye. It's been with me for several days now (perhaps since the last time I checked DListed.)It is persistent enough that I have to go around with my finger pressed into my eye socket. I'm thinking of naming it. If you have any suggestions (other than Twitch) I'd be happy to hear them. If you see me out somewhere, please make a point of staring fixedly at the twitch because I love that.
The Clot. Last weekend I went over to Vancouver to talk to some terrific young writers in Burnaby. I spent many hours in the car because I refuse to get out of my car on the ferry. (See below.) Anyway, on the drive back to catch the ferry home, I developed an acute case of what I suspect was deep vein thrombosis. My leg began to hurt very deeply, which is probably why they call it "deep vein thrombosis". I tried pointing my toe, the way they recommend on long flights, but I was driving and every time I pointed my toe I had to take my foot off the gas. This caused sudden deceleration. My car is an Echo and weighs approximately 35 pounds, so I can't count on momentum to keep it going. Toe pointing also seemed to cause the car to swerve, which was frightening for me and the other 2.4 million drivers on the freeway, so I had to quit treating myself for my condition. I survived, barely, but now my deep vein thrombosis has moved into my knee. I think the clot is being held in place by my knee cap. (Any doctors out there might let me know if this seems likely.) The knee aches steadily unless I'm working out or walking quickly. Needless to say, Frank is getting a lot of extra exercise. I'm having to eat double just to cope with the condition and its side-effects. I've purchased a giant container of Ibuprofen and am popping them regularly in order to stop the clot from getting more inflamed and bursting forth and stopping my heart, which is one scenario I've thought about quite a bit.
So... is it worth it? Would I be better off going back on the Internet? No. I think in balance, having a permanent eye twitch and life threatening blood clot in my knee is preferable. I'm getting a LOT written. In those rare moments when the pain allows me to sit at my desk and the twitch eases enough for me to focus on my computer screen.
Let me end by thanking you for your caring and get well wishes.
xoxoxo