Shame On Me?

NOVEMBER 23, 2004 BY SUSAN J

From the Mail Room

(aka My Inbox)

Hello there,

Introducing the AMAZING erectile lengthener! Add inches! Call to order now! Be ALL you can be.

Response:

Thanks, but I think my “erectile”, as you so charmingly put it, is long enough.

All the best,

Susan

Dear Miss Juby,

[Rest of letter blanked out due to somewhat inappropriate content]

Response:

Dear XXX,

Thanks for your letter. I’m glad you enjoyed the talk I gave at your school and I appreciate your invitation. One question: do I look like Mary Kay Letourneau to you? No. That’s right. I don’t. Young man, if I may say so, I think you’ve been reading way too much Melvin Burgess.

Susan

Hello,

I want to let Susan Juby know that all that cussing in Miss Smithers is unnessarry.Why did she feel compelled to use the g-word so oftern???Why.

I am a junior high school Librarian, I do pre read many books this one would have been fine except that is has so much cussing and well sex.So I will not pull it but I will not push it.

Good money down the drain.

Keep away from the bad stuff honey the kids have enough going on in their lives that YOU do not need to make a statement.

Miss Smithers is 15 and up.

Shame on you.

Eileen

Response:

Dear Eileen,

You will notice that I’ve changed your name. That’s partly because I didn’t want to embarrass you. Also, I’m not entirely convinced you really are a librarian. If so, you’re the first one I’ve met who is unable to spell “necessary”. I thought that was one of the first things they taught at library school. You know: “Books and librarians are necessary for a free and democratic society.”

I’d like to thank you for your letter. Let’s assume that you are indeed a librarian and not just some imposter. I can tell that you care about your job and the young people you serve. Unfortunately, leaving aside for a moment the rather egregious spelling and grammatical problems in your letter, there are a few flaws in your reasoning. Let’s break it down.

“Keep away from the bad stuff honey the kids have enough stuff going on in their lives that YOU do not need to make a statement.”

Damn! I wasn’t aware that I was making a statement. I was actually writing dialogue that fit the characters. A few of the characters in Miss Smithers swear quite a lot, if rather mildly. They are a) a biker chick working in a motorcycle repair shop and b) a retired logger from northern British Columbia. I see by your return email address that you reside in California. I presume that certain people in your part of the world also indulge in the odd cuss word. Those people might include Hollywood directors, all drivers in Los Angeles, gang members (Crips, Bloods and an organization called the Chingalings that I learned about recently on the Discovery Channel) and perhaps, your new governor (if the rumors are correct).

Word choice, or diction, is part of how one creates realistic characters. For instance, your decision to use the word “honey” in a letter like the one you sent me says quite a lot about you, whether you intended it to or not. It says that you are either a very friendly and warm person or, more likely given the ending of your letter, kind of condescending.

Your assumption that putting swear words in a book is somehow part of a “statement” on my part suggests that you believe that a writer’s first priority is to write messages. Actually, I had some of my characters swear because that’s how some people talk and also, let’s face it, because it’s funny. My book is a comedy. I’m not quite sure you got that.

This brings me to the crumbling crux of your argument: (feel free to stop reading now if you are just pretending to be a librarian!) Kids have enough going on in their lives without having to deal with swearing. Come on, Eileen (yes, the Dexy’s Midnight Runners echo is intentional. Why do you think I renamed you Eileen?) Do you really think swearing is one of the most difficult things kids have to cope with? Is swearing even in the top ten?

Here are a few other things teenagers (and all of us) have to deal with: war, poverty, sexual and physical abuse, global warming, environmental destruction, consumerism, greed, violence, substance abuse, racism, depression… By your logic no one should write about such things because young people already have enough to deal with. No teenagers should read that they are not alone with their problems. So much for books offering solace and a sense of identification.

I have to say Eileen, I do hope that you’ve been as diligent about writing letters to some of the perpetrators of the horrors listed above as you have to writers who use “cuss words.” I think Halliburton and a whole host of other corporate polluters and developers could all benefit from a good scolding and a loud cry of “shame on you”.

When I was growing up swearing was not only not an issue for me–it was an outlet. To be quite honest, I still enjoy a bit of swearing now and then. Swearing helps me to deal with some of the really shitty things in life. I particularly like swear words when they are spelled and employed correctly.

Which brings me to my final point. Whether you are a librarian or just someone posing as a librarian, you are clearly a fan of the written word. As I’m sure you know, an important component of effective communication is the ability to write clearly and with authority. (This is a lesson the erectile letter writer has obviously learned!) Correct spelling and syntax are essential. I won’t belabor the point. All I’m saying is shud we worry about the langwage kidds are exposed to or shud we worry that they are being taught by langwage by people who dont know how to use it themselvespeople who fokus on a few to oftern cuss words when the wurld around ussis fallling apart? Sorry! Just kidding! I couldn’t resist.

I’d like to close by leaving you with one of my favorite quotes by Clare Booth Luces: “Censorship, like charity, should begin at home; but unlike charity, it should end there.”

Thanks again for your letter.

Susan

P.S. I almost forgot, even though you suggest that Miss Smithers is full of sex, the entire point of the novel is that the character doesn’t have sex (even though she very much wants to.) If you are dying to know what happens, tune in for book three, Alice MacLeod: Realist at Last, available this spring!

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